Dear Super Mom~
Can I just call you SuMo?….I think we’re past formalities now that we have almost 10 years of parenting under our belts along with about 3,000 rounds with whiny kids and exactly 893 times passed out in front of the t.v., halfway through our favorite show.
I know we wanted the title of Supermom SO badly, but I’m finally realizing that’s not really going to happen. In fact, every day the title slips farther and farther out of our grasp…..not that it was even attainable in the first place. The messier the house gets, the more projects we start, but don’t get around to finishing, all the things we are asked to volunteer our time for….*sigh….The overwhelming list never ends.
Well, SuMo, I’m sorry you and I can’t be friends anymore. You don’t know how desperately I wanted us to be BFFs and have the coveted title that every mom wants. I used to stay up late at night to make sure we could do it ALL….make every single class treat from scratch and with the biggest flair I could muster, make sure each of my girlies had picture perfect hair every time they went out in public, keep my home spotless and perfectly decorated. But now it’s an endless stream of barely edible store~bought cookies sent with kids after making the “oh crap” midnight run to the store, being satisfied if the kids at least ran their fingers through their tangly hair before jogging out the door 10 minutes late for everything, and the house….let’s just say we’ve lived here for over 1 1/2 years and do not have a couch yet or even a proper kitchen table to eat at (still using the craft table as a “temporary” setup in there).
Not to mention this post was meant for yesterday…..
I am sad to finally have to say goodbye to you, though. We have had so many fun late nights together and exciting hurried trips to 10 different stores to get just the “right” supplies. So we could make the perfect Valentine’s cards for our kids to bring (yes, realistically you and I end up making these, with little help from the kids) to classmates who will simply remove the candy and then toss the artfully crafted card part directly into the trash.
I will miss the 30 minutes before we have company over (even just a mom picking up their kid from a playdate), where we have gotten so creative with hiding all the clutter from any rooms our company might happen to wander. I have made peace with the fact that the house will never look like the pictures on Pinterest or Good Houskeeping (what a title, huh?) and that I will always open the door to visitors and the first thing out of my mouth will forever be: “I’m sorry about the mess.”
The times we hid in the closet and sobbed about all of our shortcomings as a wife and mother will be my most missed time with you, SuMo…..You always urged me to be a better, faster, cleaner, more imaginative mom in those moments and I would end up bleary~eyed for weeks staying up till 3am to live up to those expectations you had for me.
I am learning to let go.
I have let go of all the ideals we set for me…..the ideals that I will never, not ever, be able to live up to. You see, the more you pushed me, SuMo, the more I expected myself to do as well. And no matter how much I did and how many things I volunteered for, it was never enough. There was always something more I felt I should have done despite the migraines, sick kids, and fibro flare ups.
But Super Mom doesn’t exist.
Yep, I said it….she doesn’t exist. Not just at my house, but she doesn’t exist anywhere…..except in the imaginations of all us moms who feel like we don’t compare to other moms (which is all of us, really). I look at the mom who cooks her family a great dinner each evening and assume she is one of those mythical Super Moms….but then she confides that she thinks she falls far from that marks and points the Super Mom finger at me. Nope, I confess that I am not her either. The 2 crafts I post a week (sometimes not even that) do not a Super Mom make. I am often ashamed when those women eventually see the reality of my very disorganized world after thinking so highly of the things I do. That’s when my inner SuMo butts in and encourages me to try to live up to those assumptions.
Not any more….I am here to say farewell to you SuMo once and for all. I will not give in to your peer pressure any longer. Or, the way you try to shame me into attempting to do more than is physically possible for any human being that isn’t rich and famous and have a stream of nannies, housekeepers, and assistants doing the “mom” work for them.
I give myself permission to be free of dreams of being you, and allow myself sit in a living room full of laundry that needs to be folded and read a book instead. I will not feel guilty when I take time to cuddle in my sweet kids’ beds at night and listen to them talk about their day instead of rushing to remodel my bathroom and cook a 10 course meal from scratch.
I give myself permission to be normal and be Ok with it. I’m not saying that I will never again feel bad for not getting things done that I had hoped to get done, but I will never again try to be you.
Goodbye Super Mom…..I will cherish the memories we had together….but not really.
~Your former lackey, Emily
Now don’t forget to go look at the fun new stuff in my Etsy store!!